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Tears: Self-Care Tool Most Avoid

Self-Care Through Tears

Dogs lead with compassion.
Dogs help us to remember that there is always room for kindness.

Sometimes self-care is something we avoid, because it involves tears. And, many folks perceive a good cry and as weakness. If anything at all, tears are a sign of surrender. First, they allow bottled up emotions to find a safe escape route. Second, they help us realign with our inner-strength. Finally, tears help us to move beyond keeping up appearances to make others feel comfortable when a good cry is needed. For these – and so many other reasons – tears are an under-appreciated self-help tool.

Surrendering to Present Emotions

Tears sting. Why? Because they remind us that pain has found a way to escape our hearts through a cry. And, just like others, I try to avoid crying at all costs. Yet, I find myself surrendering to tears more and more as situations warrant them. For example, my dear 14-year old dog, Savannah, is winding down. She has late-stage kidney failure, which was diagnosed over a year ago. While she has been taking a bite or two of food and a few sips of water over the last week, she has lost her zest for life. Sleep, rest, and recovery from the simplest walk outside to relieve herself, consume her days.

She has struggled more lately with keeping her balance as she moves.  As a result, she fell into the deep end of our swimming pool. Luckily, my husband rushed to lift her doing the doggy paddle, wet and shaking, onto the walkway at water’s edge. Soaked, she shook it off as her instincts dictate. Later, sitting on the floor of my office, I read to Savannah from Margaret Atwood’s book of poetry called, The Door. And, when I got to Dutiful‘s second stanza, my voice snagged in my throat and tears flowed as I read: Still, why do I feel so responsible/ for the wailing from shattered houses,/ for birth defects and unjust wars,/  and the soft, unbearable sadness/ filtering down from distant stars? And, yes, for the poolside mishaps of my aging, furry friend, too.

Your Turn

Open your journal and free-write for 15 minutes on any unresolved issue that causes pain. And, by pain I mean anything that hurts emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. If a mix of the four tumbles out of your pen, then that is fine. Reread what you wrote. Make time in your week to give yourself the room and space to cry. You can tap into them in a variety of ways. Look through an old photo album or in your cell’s photo stream. Watch a sentimental movie, like My Dog Skip. Listen to some soulful music, or, like me, read some poetry aloud. Then, write in your journal about how that felt, too.

Here’s to gently growing your flow,

Marisa Moks-Unger

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Dive Deep and Dark to Mirror Flow

Flow Found in Deep and Dark Silence

Willing to go deep to find flow? Good. There are so many ordinary places to look. Moreover, finding flow can ground us in the dark corners of our days. I passed the reflection of a pond leading to a lake near my home. There was no breeze so the bodies of water shown silver like mirrors. The images of cypress and ancient oak were cast on the dark water. There are two questions to bring to this daily exercise. First, where do we turn to for a deep and dark dive? Second, what do we bring along for the experience? Let’s consider it below.

Mirror images help creatives to find their flow.

Where to Go for Dark and Deep Dive

There are many places to go for a reflective experience. First, we can meditate. My favorite place to do that is in my backyard under the stars when weather permits. If not, near a window. Next, we can take time to journal mid-day to check in with ourselves. Just a paragraph or two usually does the trick. And as I mentioned above, a stroll around the neighborhood or a lake, river, or pond at the edges of day rejuvenates the soul. I borrow the term edges of the day from my friend, Suzi Banks Baum, a creative who herself notices the thresholds of day and night. Be mindful throughout the day. Then, find these places right at the tips of your finger or the soles of your feet.

What to Bring Along

What you bring along is simple enough. For starters, bring an observer’s eye. See what is symbolic in the snowy egret standing in the rain perched on one leg. Can we, too, be defiant and still walk in stormy weather? Also, bring an honest heart to hear the truth. Maybe the journal entry is repeatedly about being tired. Is more shuteye needed or might a doctor’s visit be in order?

Here’s to growing your flow,

Marisa

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Clepe Names Writers by Their Work

Journaling is a wellspring of ideas for multiple projects.
Daily journaling help you to get out of your own way to allow more creative flow into your writing.

You’re a Writer? Keep on Cleping on!

Today’s word-of-the-day selection is clepe (verb) –archaic to call, name. Do you call yourself a writer? Both professional and hobbyists alike can find more time, subject matter, and purpose by naming what they do. First, declare your writing hours. Hone them so you are working at the most productive time of day. Next, journal every morning to get ideas down for multiple writing projects. For professionals, this leads to more diverse work. For hobbyists, daily journaling creates pockets of deeper inquiry while documenting family history or memoir writing. Finally, understand your purpose by daily writing. Professionals may find a deep satisfaction in grant writing for non-profits due to the direct line of funding to those most in need. Hobbyists may find satisfaction in leaving a written history of their family to their own heirs.

The Message of Clepe

The message of this term is one of boundaries: Take time to journal to give definition to your hopes and dreams. These free-writing sessions bear seeds to much creative work. 

Your Turn

Take your journal out. Write for 15 minutes about when you are most productive. Take time to consider ways to make your writing space more inviting. Do you have a special mug, gel pens that reduce drag on the paper, or a candle to light for inspiration? Try one or more of your ideas out in the month to come.

Coming Up in December

The word-of-the-day selection will get festive in December. As much as I like my mother-in-laws mother’s Random House English Language Dictionary, it is over 50 years old. The pages are fragile. So, I am going to put 31 terms in a basket. I will draw one and write it daily. I did a free-write this morning and listed well over 31 terms associated with the holiday season. Each term will be related to the year-end festivities as well as its connotation with a writer’s life.

Here’s to growing your flow,

Marisa

 

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Sometimes Flow Runs Ruby Red

We are all born with our set of ruby slippers or creative intuition.

Accept Power of Flow as a Ruby Gift

We were all born with our own set of ruby slippers. No worrying about a house from Kansas crashing our party. While the Wicked Witch of the East may have perished in the classic tale, we can guard our ruby slippers from folks like her sister, the Wicked Witch of the West. She may have not known it at the time, but no one can steal another’s ruby reds. Or, our creative intuition. Each of us has the power and we never need to be afraid of its strength. It is only a question of if we are aware of our ruby reds and how we use them.

Sometimes Our Ruby Reds Get Misplaced

Sometimes we allow others to bully us or sully our gifts. We begin to second guess ourselves. No worrying about a sentence in a castle’s dungeon awaiting our fate. At those time we need to remember the truth: We have had the power all along. The ruby reds guide us effortlessly down our own yellow brick roads. We just need to become aware. Sure we can run with a fun crowd. They might yearn for what most people want: a home, an education, emotional intimacy, and courage. All those things and more can be found when we travel within to find the answers.

They Must Be Very Powerful…

We can connect with our very own intuition by journaling daily, walking daily, or sitting very quietly for the guidance. It bubbles up just as surely as Glinda appears in her bubblegum pink cloud to soothe Dorothy’s fears. And don’t we all have those fears. And they can be many. We aren’t accepted by others when we use our gifts. Or, we aren’t educated enough, sensitive enough, or courageous enough to make an impact. Yet, once we take the power of intuition and shift into the flow, we are exceedingly powerful. And we need to protect that sense of power from others who are not connected into the own.

Or She Wouldn’t Want Them So Badly

People can try to intimidate us. Or demean us. Or frighten us into thinking that we are indeed powerless. We know the secret and it is one that Louise Hay, author of “You Can Heal Your Life” teaches: “The only point of power is in the present moment.” And such it is with Dorothy. She runs all over Oz, meets new friends, becomes air bound with the flying monkeys, and finally defeats the Witch of the West. She reduces a Wizard into a mere mortal. But after she misses her ride, Glinda finally sets her on the path to home.

There they are and there they’ll stay!

You’ve Had the Power All Along

After all of her experiences, capers, and angst, Glinda reveals the power of intention to Dorothy. And click-click-click, Her own words take her out of the dream and back into her tornado-busted bedroom in Kansas. She places herself in the center of her own rescue mission. And we can, too, because we know that our creative flow can lead each of us home.

Your Turn

Anything can stand in for ruby slippers. A comfy pair of well-worn sneakers. A favorite mug to sip tea from when writing. Any prop will do. Use it when settling in to write in your journal. Because, as Dorothy reminds us at the sepia-splashed ending: “There’s no place like home!”

Here’s to Growing YOUR Flow,

Marisa